[ it's revenge, perhaps, making ugetsu hurt like that. yuki knows he isn't doing anything more than the other can handle; in fact, he's taken worse from ugetsu during his many, many meltdowns. if this happened before yuki started using them maybe he wouldn't be such an asshole but the fact is: he's jonesing, worse than he has in a long time, and being in this hospital, staring down at a broken ugetsu murata, is not helping.
yuki is angry. yuki is scared. yuki does not know what to do.
he doesn't mean did he hit you the way ugetsu interprets it but, later, the dual meaning will make him laugh bitterly. of course it's someone from his past. some ex-lover who can't stand seeing ugetsu with anyone else. who could? what kind of man, after loving the moon itself, could ever be happy watching it frolic with some other being? yet the moon has an orbit of its own, tied only to the earth.
akihiko.
it's a safety net, knowing that ugetsu cannot forget him. it means yuki can never be loved in return - something he does not want. does not deserve.
yuki sees his name in the tabloids often but the appearance of ugetsu alongside him is troubling, though he pretends otherwise. buys copies to throw onto ugetsu's bed, to laugh at together, joking about his bed head or the stupid clothes he decided to wear when he left that cold, cold basement early in the morning one day. but yuki knows what kind of people read them sincerely, believing every word. yuki knows he has fans that might hurt ugetsu. and, more importantly: yuki knows mafuyu could see.
he still has no idea that their lives have crossed through ugetsu, of course. he knows only that mafuyu plays music now, that he frequents the small clubs yuki got his start in back during high school and then afterwards. he only plays bigger gigs now but those venues are always in his mind, constantly in his peripheral vision. ugetsu's drummer goes there with his new boyfriend. plays shows with mafuyu. with that other guitarist, the dark-haired one.
yuki does not realize he's thinking about mafuyu until ugetsu speaks. until ugetsu says he knowing that there is no other 'he' in yuki's heart. until ugetsu talks about mafuyu's sound.
and, of course, ugetsu is never wrong when it comes to sound. ]
Fuck off.
[ it's a visceral reaction, completely unconscious; the words spill sharp from yuki's lips like a bark, a warning. his fingers twist tighter against the metal support on the side of the bed, knuckles as pale as ugetsu's bloodless skin. ]
Don't talk about him.
[ in the back of his mind, yuki knows what ugetsu is doing. bringing mafuyu up, encouraging yuki to go back to him, so that it's easier to break things off between the two of them. ugetsu wants yuki gone - whether it's because he's finally grown tired of him or, as yuki suspects, because it hurts too much to keep him around. it's a familiar game, one that leaves a bitter, acrid taste on the back of yuki's tongue. the problem is that ugetsu still has no idea what convictions yuki holds in his heart; has no clue that yuki has promised himself to never, ever speak to mafuyu again.
and yuki - yuki wants to hit ugetsu. he wants to kiss ugetsu. he wants to shove powder up his own nose until he's so high he can't tell the ground from the sky anymore; until he can finally, finally float away into the stars. past the moon. past all sources of light. past everything until he's adrift in endless, beautiful darkness. ]
he just Feels So Much All The Time... he can't help it... :'c <3 poor little meow meow
yuki is angry. yuki is scared. yuki does not know what to do.
he doesn't mean did he hit you the way ugetsu interprets it but, later, the dual meaning will make him laugh bitterly. of course it's someone from his past. some ex-lover who can't stand seeing ugetsu with anyone else. who could? what kind of man, after loving the moon itself, could ever be happy watching it frolic with some other being? yet the moon has an orbit of its own, tied only to the earth.
akihiko.
it's a safety net, knowing that ugetsu cannot forget him. it means yuki can never be loved in return - something he does not want. does not deserve.
yuki sees his name in the tabloids often but the appearance of ugetsu alongside him is troubling, though he pretends otherwise. buys copies to throw onto ugetsu's bed, to laugh at together, joking about his bed head or the stupid clothes he decided to wear when he left that cold, cold basement early in the morning one day. but yuki knows what kind of people read them sincerely, believing every word. yuki knows he has fans that might hurt ugetsu. and, more importantly: yuki knows mafuyu could see.
he still has no idea that their lives have crossed through ugetsu, of course. he knows only that mafuyu plays music now, that he frequents the small clubs yuki got his start in back during high school and then afterwards. he only plays bigger gigs now but those venues are always in his mind, constantly in his peripheral vision. ugetsu's drummer goes there with his new boyfriend. plays shows with mafuyu. with that other guitarist, the dark-haired one.
yuki does not realize he's thinking about mafuyu until ugetsu speaks. until ugetsu says he knowing that there is no other 'he' in yuki's heart. until ugetsu talks about mafuyu's sound.
and, of course, ugetsu is never wrong when it comes to sound. ]
Fuck off.
[ it's a visceral reaction, completely unconscious; the words spill sharp from yuki's lips like a bark, a warning. his fingers twist tighter against the metal support on the side of the bed, knuckles as pale as ugetsu's bloodless skin. ]
Don't talk about him.
[ in the back of his mind, yuki knows what ugetsu is doing. bringing mafuyu up, encouraging yuki to go back to him, so that it's easier to break things off between the two of them. ugetsu wants yuki gone - whether it's because he's finally grown tired of him or, as yuki suspects, because it hurts too much to keep him around. it's a familiar game, one that leaves a bitter, acrid taste on the back of yuki's tongue. the problem is that ugetsu still has no idea what convictions yuki holds in his heart; has no clue that yuki has promised himself to never, ever speak to mafuyu again.
and yuki - yuki wants to hit ugetsu. he wants to kiss ugetsu. he wants to shove powder up his own nose until he's so high he can't tell the ground from the sky anymore; until he can finally, finally float away into the stars. past the moon. past all sources of light. past everything until he's adrift in endless, beautiful darkness. ]
This isn't about him.