You might be right about that, but that's assuming I didn't want the company in the first place.
[ Ugetsu could probably even hear the teasing grin in his voice from the text alone. If waiting bothered him he could have easily just got up and left already, but it didn't really. Not to mention, it was actually kind of a nice surprise having Ugetsu offer. ]
[It's all a tangled web, the music, the love, the passion, the pain, where one ends, and the other began blurred a long time ago. The music drew him; the love binds him, the passion and the pain rule him like the moon does the tides. It's a turbulent sea, a force that crashes intensely only once in a lifetime.
No matter the pain it causes, how does he walk away from that. How, when any other touch, any other lover can satisfy, but they can not arouse him this way. By merely inviting him to touch, calling him to a bathroom to lift him from a shower and yet he wants, craves Ugetsu more than if another had elaborately made ploys to arouse it.
It takes no more than a look, the way his hair falls in his eyes, his fingers draw the bow when he plays, and Kaji wants him, he wants to take that sound, claim it. More than that, he wants to save Ugetsu from himself, bind him to Kaji so that he can not let go of this world so quickly.
Even if he left, could he ever truly be gone. Would Ugetsu not be able to find a way to draw him back, has there ever been a time where it was not that way. Push him away, pull him back, find another lover, sleep in another bed. Yet always, therein in his bones is Ugetsu; he can taste him in every lover he takes. None compare, it leaves him wanting till these moments.
It is that exact thing that keeps him here, the absurdly tender touch, the violent fights, the passion, he can not let go of any of it, even as he knows much of it is his doom. Is it worth it, when Ugetsu is with him this way, yes, every second. Even if it all ended today, it would be worth it.
Because he knows somewhere inside of there is a part of Kaji that will forever be Ugetsu's. He does not want Kaji to tell him he loves him; he does not want him to need him as he does, and yet he can not stand the thought of Kaji any longer feeling that way, and he knows it. There are times he is like this, and he uses it, reminds him with a calloused finger that swipes to claim hip bone. A soft release of breath as touches from Ugetsu arouse him, arching up to remove his shirt in a swift move.
It's all too much and never enough at the same time, he wants it to end, he wants it to continue. He wants to go, he wants to stay but even if he goes, it never truly ends because if Ugetsu were to continue to self-destruct, Kaji would have to return to him, he is too engrained in who he is now ever indeed to turn away if he is in need.
For now, he indulges as long as Ugetsu will allow him, lowering himself back to those touches, finding the sensitive spots along Ugetsu's bare skin with those large hands, so careful with the delicate beauty beneath their touch, it's as if he is adoring Ugetsu through his skin.
At the same time, he dips his head, finding the soft pulse in Ugetsu's throat he closes his teeth over it, dragging along the skin before trailing his tongue over it, a tease, a taste, a touch, a slow build-up of the intensity that has always been their norm.
For others, love may be weightless; for them, it is crushing, devouring, and it comes across in the way they systematically break each other down, only to build up again and lose themselves in that soul-shattering passion that they can only find with each other.
gluttons for punishment...these two honestly.... /has...so many...yet never enough?!
[ the first time akihiko held him, ugetsu thought he might cry. it was alarming. it was liberating. it was everything. but ugetsu has known from a very very young age he is not meant to have 'everything'. he has chosen music, for better or for worse, until death do us part or so the story goes. why not both? he's sure he has been asked this by one night stands who cared a little more and also one night stands who wanted to care less, all of them asking the same silly thing: can't you love them both? "how stupid" he has said to them. of course he loves them both. of course he would cut himself open for the perfect sound of the bow gliding the heart just as it does the string. of course he would rather die than not feel these things. of course.
but to love both and to possess both is not the same at all.
those who've been irrevocably in love know it.
you can't stop knowing or noticing once you have.
some kind of hell.
but maybe that's accurate.
ugetsu is a burning sort of creature, born in summer yet suited to the changing leaves of autumn that flame and smoke away in their little manmade huddles. ugetsu is not the fire but he is the thing that catches fire, is the inextinguishable greed of that which begs and commands all in one fell swoop: devour me whole or not at all. there's that cliche, the one about not doing anything by halves, and it suits murata ugetsu within a centimeter's shard of his life.
if asked, he would give akihiko the season of spring but not the way most people think of it. spring has, with global warming, brought untold storms and the beautiful flowers drown before they can truly bloom but it doesn't change the fact that they were there; they existed. akihiko exists too: the violent storm and the beautiful flowers and the wide open sky that probably one day will be his in the hands of another lover who knows how to treat him better.
spring and autumn never actually touch.
it stands to reason that if an impossibility such as this were to occur, the world must be upside down, and so, perhaps they are.
akihiko bites into him and ugetsu fists one beautiful hand in his short hair as if to say: harder. because with akihiko that is always ugetsu's demand, his desire, his plea even if he'd never admit it with that name. even when he sleeps with other men, even when objectively they're rougher and borderline violent, it doesn't do anything much for ugetsu because they don't mean it. akihiko means it: the love and the resentment both, the feelings with broad callused hands that adore and worship and the feelings with teeth that could bruise or rip out a throat in turn, given the right motive.
no one, after akihiko, will ever be enough.
and because it's ugetsu, it's possible not even akihiko is enough but that's an old fight for an old song that isn't even theirs anymore.
but even if the song isn't theirs, the dance might be and even sounds can be movements as any good musician knows: ugetsu's moans, the way he leans in and arches towards every single glance of akihiko's fingers or his tongue or his teeth, all of this is part of it, and all of it is only for aki despite the number of people they both know ugetsu has used to try to push him away.
maybe that's why it hasn't worked; because of course akihiko knows.
akihiko was the first to know ugetsu and perhaps he will be the last.
ugetsu wouldn't mind. it feels appropriate.
mine, he thinks with a sigh that's a thousand broken gifts and house fires they never truly intended to fix or put out to begin with, one hand still tight in akihiko's hair, the other clutched so hard at his waist there will be bruises and little red crescents for his trouble. ]
[ telling aki what's going on means a straight answer, which ugetsu never gave many of anyway even when they were doing well, much less broken up for such an amount of time now. but more than not being a very honest person, ugetsu also isn't stupid; if he gives akihiko an answer then aki has the opportunity to not care or to care, to keep talking to him...or not. how loathsome and annoying, ugetsu thinks with brittle calm, to care so much still. how troublesome. how pointless.
I had some things to take care of. Remember, the park at 4.
[there's only one person whose birthday matters to ugetsu -- not that he'd ever say it like that, but it's pretty apparent in his biased treatment of akihiko. even when he's mean to him, he's sort of nice -- at least as far as ugetsu behavior goes. the truth is, he's had a hard time figuring out what to get him for his birthday. he's never had to know how to shop for someone that you like or....or whatever.
someone you're afraid of being without.
'things to take care of' is just ugetsu standing with a silent violin in his hands, the bow still, refusing to say he wishes he was better at this but also still thinking about it. it never occurs to him that aki might just be happy to spend the special day together, that that would be enough --
i do mean it, but it's also not that serious. i wouldn't expend the time on them to keep them away, but if they come back running that's another thing.
[ sounds like that will not be happening though, which is intriguing to ugetsu in its own way. ]
[ ugetsu does not reply; yuki doesn't care. he's blind as well, albeit metaphorically, fear and trauma flashing before his eyes so fast he can't tell which memories are real and which are false. he runs the five blocks to the hospital and is so winded when he arrives that the receptionist thinks he needs treatment himself, but he waves her off, asks her where murata ugetsu is. she's hesitant at first but yuki has charisma to spare, even in his current state, and so she relents; if his mind were clearer, he would notice the spark of recognition in her eyes. a tabloid rumour waiting to explode.
yuki yoshida and murata ugetsu. two names that, would never normally appear in one sentence.
they've triaged ugetsu, put him in a room somewhere upstairs. it means he isn't dying. the hospital feels cold and cruel around him; it makes yuki's skin itch as he waits impossibly long in the elevator, as he wanders down hall after hall, looking for this stupid, stupid man.
he wishes he had shot up before coming.
in reality, it doesn't take long for yuki to arrive. an hour, maybe. there is a nurse in the room fussing over ugetsu, blocking him from sight.
please, murata-san, you have to rest --
ah. petulant as always, it seems, even after seeing the edge of death. ]
Ugetsu?
[ yuki's voice is breathless, his ragged body fuelled only by adrenaline at this point. there are equal amounts of accusation and worry in his tone, anger and love, things that can only be heard by one who understands sound. music.
[ fear. old fear. and new fear. why. what's wrong with you.
i love you.
murata ugetsu hears all of it. a song you scream rather than sing. or whisper in your sleep instead of out loud when you're awake. or nothing nothing nothing.
everything.
the nurse obscures him from yuki while she continues to fuss, casting not one but two suspicious looks back over her shoulder at the blonde, a similar flicker of recognition there as the receptionist had. his burned and bleeding hands re-bandaged just now, sit shaking violently in ugetsu's lap. he doesn't want yuki to see him like this.
at the same time, the way yuki's voice sounds right now to him is shattering with anxious warmth. ugetsu feels like it's touching him across his skin, then pushing inside along his broken bones and drawing through his depleted blood. when he trembles and shivers the nurse takes his temperature again. his head hurts; partially shaven at one side so they could suture and dress and wrap it. but really it hurts more because there's a familiar tension behind his blind eyes he won't let come to fruition.
a little more fussing and the nurse finally steps back. visiting hours ended some time ago and ugetsu's manager actually did try to enforce a no-visitors policy for safety reasons while they investigate if the car accident really was an accident. maybe she sees the desperation in every aspect of yuki's body language. maybe she thinks it's a shame and a pity no family has called or come. whatever reason, she murmurs only,
"he really needs to rest."
then she quietly leaves the room.
despite not being able to see, ugetsu turns his head away from where he can tell the door is, and therefore where yuki came in.
and it occurs to him, cold and far away from himself: maybe this is where he has to end it. ]
[ akihiko can't say no to him, or at least, this time he couldn't. poor haruki's car paid the price. as well as ugetsu but that's neither here nor there. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
You cant get rid of me that easily <3
[ Ugetsu could probably even hear the teasing grin in his voice from the text alone. If waiting bothered him he could have easily just got up and left already, but it didn't really. Not to mention, it was actually kind of a nice surprise having Ugetsu offer. ]
I WOULD HOPE NOT ;; LMFDLSF /LATCHES ONTO
/LATCHES BACK!!!
[ he assumes Ugetsu must be stopped at a stop light or something, otherwise... this might be really dangerous. ]
Oh yeah, do you like cake?
:3
<3
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slides back in here melting
fans you~
/appreciates immensely cries <3 <3 <3
<3 !!!!! wipes those tears!
thank youuu it's not even that hot here anymore and im like T^T EXPIRES
nooooo you can't expire!
/checks my shelf date suspiciously
your shelf date says you need more hugs /nods
/hugs YOU selfishly T^T
<3 !!!!
<3 ;;
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As if he could lose Aki that easily~ /making more icons for this
No matter the pain it causes, how does he walk away from that. How, when any other touch, any other lover can satisfy, but they can not arouse him this way. By merely inviting him to touch, calling him to a bathroom to lift him from a shower and yet he wants, craves Ugetsu more than if another had elaborately made ploys to arouse it.
It takes no more than a look, the way his hair falls in his eyes, his fingers draw the bow when he plays, and Kaji wants him, he wants to take that sound, claim it. More than that, he wants to save Ugetsu from himself, bind him to Kaji so that he can not let go of this world so quickly.
Even if he left, could he ever truly be gone. Would Ugetsu not be able to find a way to draw him back, has there ever been a time where it was not that way. Push him away, pull him back, find another lover, sleep in another bed. Yet always, therein in his bones is Ugetsu; he can taste him in every lover he takes. None compare, it leaves him wanting till these moments.
It is that exact thing that keeps him here, the absurdly tender touch, the violent fights, the passion, he can not let go of any of it, even as he knows much of it is his doom. Is it worth it, when Ugetsu is with him this way, yes, every second. Even if it all ended today, it would be worth it.
Because he knows somewhere inside of there is a part of Kaji that will forever be Ugetsu's. He does not want Kaji to tell him he loves him; he does not want him to need him as he does, and yet he can not stand the thought of Kaji any longer feeling that way, and he knows it. There are times he is like this, and he uses it, reminds him with a calloused finger that swipes to claim hip bone. A soft release of breath as touches from Ugetsu arouse him, arching up to remove his shirt in a swift move.
It's all too much and never enough at the same time, he wants it to end, he wants it to continue. He wants to go, he wants to stay but even if he goes, it never truly ends because if Ugetsu were to continue to self-destruct, Kaji would have to return to him, he is too engrained in who he is now ever indeed to turn away if he is in need.
For now, he indulges as long as Ugetsu will allow him, lowering himself back to those touches, finding the sensitive spots along Ugetsu's bare skin with those large hands, so careful with the delicate beauty beneath their touch, it's as if he is adoring Ugetsu through his skin.
At the same time, he dips his head, finding the soft pulse in Ugetsu's throat he closes his teeth over it, dragging along the skin before trailing his tongue over it, a tease, a taste, a touch, a slow build-up of the intensity that has always been their norm.
For others, love may be weightless; for them, it is crushing, devouring, and it comes across in the way they systematically break each other down, only to build up again and lose themselves in that soul-shattering passion that they can only find with each other.
gluttons for punishment...these two honestly.... /has...so many...yet never enough?!
but to love both and to possess both is not the same at all.
those who've been irrevocably in love know it.
you can't stop knowing or noticing once you have.
some kind of hell.
but maybe that's accurate.
ugetsu is a burning sort of creature, born in summer yet suited to the changing leaves of autumn that flame and smoke away in their little manmade huddles. ugetsu is not the fire but he is the thing that catches fire, is the inextinguishable greed of that which begs and commands all in one fell swoop: devour me whole or not at all. there's that cliche, the one about not doing anything by halves, and it suits murata ugetsu within a centimeter's shard of his life.
if asked, he would give akihiko the season of spring but not the way most people think of it. spring has, with global warming, brought untold storms and the beautiful flowers drown before they can truly bloom but it doesn't change the fact that they were there; they existed. akihiko exists too: the violent storm and the beautiful flowers and the wide open sky that probably one day will be his in the hands of another lover who knows how to treat him better.
spring and autumn never actually touch.
it stands to reason that if an impossibility such as this were to occur, the world must be upside down, and so, perhaps they are.
akihiko bites into him and ugetsu fists one beautiful hand in his short hair as if to say: harder. because with akihiko that is always ugetsu's demand, his desire, his plea even if he'd never admit it with that name. even when he sleeps with other men, even when objectively they're rougher and borderline violent, it doesn't do anything much for ugetsu because they don't mean it. akihiko means it: the love and the resentment both, the feelings with broad callused hands that adore and worship and the feelings with teeth that could bruise or rip out a throat in turn, given the right motive.
no one, after akihiko, will ever be enough.
and because it's ugetsu, it's possible not even akihiko is enough but that's an old fight for an old song that isn't even theirs anymore.
but even if the song isn't theirs, the dance might be and even sounds can be movements as any good musician knows: ugetsu's moans, the way he leans in and arches towards every single glance of akihiko's fingers or his tongue or his teeth, all of this is part of it, and all of it is only for aki despite the number of people they both know ugetsu has used to try to push him away.
maybe that's why it hasn't worked; because of course akihiko knows.
akihiko was the first to know ugetsu and perhaps he will be the last.
ugetsu wouldn't mind. it feels appropriate.
mine, he thinks with a sigh that's a thousand broken gifts and house fires they never truly intended to fix or put out to begin with, one hand still tight in akihiko's hair, the other clutched so hard at his waist there will be bruises and little red crescents for his trouble. ]
that they are and I love them ...I am already thinking I need 300 150 is not going to be enough ><
LMFDSKJDS YOURE MAKING ME WANT TO RE-VISIT HIS MUCH FEWER PAGES & DO MORE LLLFMDSL
I have been doing that slowly over the days to make ones for our thread and future threads XD
/im in love with the scene all icons of this sort are from sob so i just /uses them forever haha >>
You and me both I have similar icons >>
<< birds of a feather flock together...
now and forever
t h e y !!!!!!
Sorry for the wait!
Is it all people?
[And on that note, can a list of people you want to bang even be called a bucket list?!]
fff no rush! i'm v slow myself tbh lately -- v backtag happy <3
[ and if it WAS a murder list well, it ups the chances of being caught...
....but fair point. a bucket list ordinarily oughtn't involve murder or sex probably, but ugetsu is still fairly convinced it was one. ]
Oh, good! That's a relief! <3
<3 <3 <3 just super happy to tag w/ mafuyu! best boy ;; <3
I should be saying the same back to you! Your Ugetsu is a blessing. <3
<3 <3 <3 i am glad u don't mind him i know he is a Troubled Guy SOB <3
He is, but that doesn't mean he isn't great!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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@ AUDIENT
You could be both.
Viola has an open invitation. Cat privilege.
I did say, and it isn't. If it was 'bad' I wouldn't be talking to you would I?
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i don't know about that logic
i think if you're bleeding it's bad
are you home?
i think you should be lying down
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4 from the TFLN prompt...post break up, drawing him back maybe?
What have you done now?
yes yes yes yes definitely yes let's do this!
[ telling aki what's going on means a straight answer, which ugetsu never gave many of anyway even when they were doing well, much less broken up for such an amount of time now. but more than not being a very honest person, ugetsu also isn't stupid; if he gives akihiko an answer then aki has the opportunity to not care or to care, to keep talking to him...or not. how loathsome and annoying, ugetsu thinks with brittle calm, to care so much still. how troublesome. how pointless.
how he missed it anyway. ]
oh the feelings...already...
/SHAKES THESE TWO WITH BOTH OF MY HANDS....i Love Them
/JOINS YOU BECAUSE SO DO I!!!!
/basically shoves them into inevitability
/because they are gives an extra shove!!
poor akihiko....ugetsu shaving years off his life even before they collide properly
but really, would he have it any other way?
probably not...they are both gluttons for punishment it seems sob
Always and forever >>
birthday text (high school still happy AU) -I will get the right icons here- backdated to 10/21
[Read: I haven't seen you since yesterday, I miss you, it's my birthday and I want to see you before anyone else.]
KDFDJSDKFS I love youuuuu and themmmmm
Remember, the park at 4.
[there's only one person whose birthday matters to ugetsu -- not that he'd ever say it like that, but it's pretty apparent in his biased treatment of akihiko. even when he's mean to him, he's sort of nice -- at least as far as ugetsu behavior goes. the truth is, he's had a hard time figuring out what to get him for his birthday. he's never had to know how to shop for someone that you like or....or whatever.
someone you're afraid of being without.
'things to take care of' is just ugetsu standing with a silent violin in his hands, the bow still, refusing to say he wishes he was better at this but also still thinking about it. it never occurs to him that aki might just be happy to spend the special day together, that that would be enough --
-- that just being together, is enough. ]
the feeling is mutual all the way around!!!!!!
<3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 I hope you are well
/sends warm thoughts and gentle hopes your way that you are okay too!!! ;3;
I am thank you!! <3<3<3<3<3
][ crimsoncommander ][
i'm going to have to assume, based on your sport, that the "ankle break" is not a literal term.
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I loath being looked down upon.
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handwaves to a time when akashi would attend one of his concertos
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][ snekfriend ][
sounds inconvenient. do you let it roam free in general?
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][ furious ][
i do mean it, but it's also not that serious. i wouldn't expend the time on them to keep them away, but if they come back running that's another thing.
[ sounds like that will not be happening though, which is intriguing to ugetsu in its own way. ]
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Unless you're the last person they see.
[ now that would be bad, wouldn't it? if they happened to go missing and someone knew that ugetsu was the last person they engaged with. ]
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cont! 💖
[ ugetsu does not reply; yuki doesn't care. he's blind as well, albeit metaphorically, fear and trauma flashing before his eyes so fast he can't tell which memories are real and which are false. he runs the five blocks to the hospital and is so winded when he arrives that the receptionist thinks he needs treatment himself, but he waves her off, asks her where murata ugetsu is. she's hesitant at first but yuki has charisma to spare, even in his current state, and so she relents; if his mind were clearer, he would notice the spark of recognition in her eyes. a tabloid rumour waiting to explode.
yuki yoshida and murata ugetsu. two names that, would never normally appear in one sentence.
they've triaged ugetsu, put him in a room somewhere upstairs. it means he isn't dying. the hospital feels cold and cruel around him; it makes yuki's skin itch as he waits impossibly long in the elevator, as he wanders down hall after hall, looking for this stupid, stupid man.
he wishes he had shot up before coming.
in reality, it doesn't take long for yuki to arrive. an hour, maybe. there is a nurse in the room fussing over ugetsu, blocking him from sight.
please, murata-san, you have to rest --
ah. petulant as always, it seems, even after seeing the edge of death. ]
Ugetsu?
[ yuki's voice is breathless, his ragged body fuelled only by adrenaline at this point. there are equal amounts of accusation and worry in his tone, anger and love, things that can only be heard by one who understands sound. music.
a blood red moon. ]
<3!!!!!!!!!!!
i love you.
murata ugetsu hears all of it. a song you scream rather than sing. or whisper in your sleep instead of out loud when you're awake. or nothing nothing nothing.
everything.
the nurse obscures him from yuki while she continues to fuss, casting not one but two suspicious looks back over her shoulder at the blonde, a similar flicker of recognition there as the receptionist had. his burned and bleeding hands re-bandaged just now, sit shaking violently in ugetsu's lap. he doesn't want yuki to see him like this.
at the same time, the way yuki's voice sounds right now to him is shattering with anxious warmth. ugetsu feels like it's touching him across his skin, then pushing inside along his broken bones and drawing through his depleted blood. when he trembles and shivers the nurse takes his temperature again. his head hurts; partially shaven at one side so they could suture and dress and wrap it. but really it hurts more because there's a familiar tension behind his blind eyes he won't let come to fruition.
a little more fussing and the nurse finally steps back. visiting hours ended some time ago and ugetsu's manager actually did try to enforce a no-visitors policy for safety reasons while they investigate if the car accident really was an accident. maybe she sees the desperation in every aspect of yuki's body language. maybe she thinks it's a shame and a pity no family has called or come. whatever reason, she murmurs only,
"he really needs to rest."
then she quietly leaves the room.
despite not being able to see, ugetsu turns his head away from where he can tell the door is, and therefore where yuki came in.
and it occurs to him, cold and far away from himself: maybe this is where he has to end it. ]
you're stuck with me (and this tragic mess of a pair lmao) <333333
i think yOU are stuck with ME (and this tragic mess to end all messes)<3 <3 <3!!!
SHARES MY TISSUES WITH U 😭😂💖 also psst here's a song for them 😈
o h no this is so perfect for them....also all that sea imagery...takes tissues thank you .....
RIGHT it's also a perfect ugetsu/akihiko/haruki song T____T
it really is ,,,....ugetsu why do you bring disaster to everyone...why is it so good...OTL
he just Feels So Much All The Time... he can't help it... :'c <3 poor little meow meow
that one art of him and aki with cat ears and stuff...lil meow meow indeed..he really is overwhelmed
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Forgive the late reply!!!
So now my being comforted costs something?
THAT'S MY LINE LOL helloooo <3!!!
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how the hell did you get my car?
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[ akihiko can't say no to him, or at least, this time he couldn't. poor haruki's car paid the price. as well as ugetsu but that's neither here nor there. ]
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