[the only way ugetsu can be plainly honest is like this: bodies almost meanly crashed and collided together, the pale lengths of ugetsu's legs as much a chokehold as a lover's keen, his breathy half laugh twisted into staccato pleasure he only feels with akihiko even if he never admits it. and well, that's not very honest after all is it? but akihiko isn't stupid and they both know it; they know without excuses what they do to each other and they have never figured out how to stop despite the co-existing knowledge that it would be 'better' for them, 'healthier', 'less toxic' such are the words ugetsu's one-night stands use and perhaps - he imagines - akihiko's friends.
but friends? ugetsu doesn't want to be friends.
ugetsu wants akihiko to swallow him up and leave nothing left but the sound of their violin practice. ugetsu wants akihiko to leave him to decay because it's what he deserves. ugetsu wants akihiko to kiss him on the mouth the way the sun rises low like lover's hands across the ocean every day without fail over and over. ugetsu wants. he wants so much it hurts and it's unbearable and it makes him feel alive and wonder what it would be like if he wasn't. since he was a child he's been fascinated by the notion. the divide between life and death is so very small. perhaps that's one reason he's so enthralled with sato mafuyu, the boy who let summer help him live with his ghosts. but ugetsu knows that's different. ugetsu knows to feel responsible for a ghost and to become one oneself, well, those are incapacitatingly different things.
of the things ugetsu's body knows, there are only two he has hurt over and been hurt over and will yet hurt again: the violin and akihiko.
but even when it hurts, he loves it.
if akihiko loves him roughly, if he presses against ugetsu the way ugetsu has long been the thorn in the side of his heart, if he makes ugetsu gasp and moan his name the way only a soundproofed room can permit...if. it's enough. it's everything. ugetsu will hold onto it until akihiko truly walks away from him. maybe he'll have bloody hands at the end and maybe the blood will be his own and maybe that will be worth all of this too.
for the world, ugetsu plays perfect concertos.
for akihiko, ugetsu becomes the concerto and dares akihiko to stay skilled enough in love enough here enough to play him the right way. ]
Hurry. Aki...
[ as if they don't have all the time in the world.
well. that's true really.
they both know it even if they never say so.
theirs is a relationship that burns at both ends incandescent with a hundred feelings trying to speak over each other.
ugetsu loosens his legs to free akihiko , lets them fall open lightly against the bed leaving his not-boyfriend plenty of room. for one as lethargic as ugetsu can be, he's quite flexible; that would be the sex he has to thank for that, but no need to put too fine a point on it. his gaze is half-mast as he peers up at akihiko, long eyelashes dark and curling, irises improbably bright in the dark of the basement like some hidden truth. he's flushed, panting, the blush in his cheeks the same as in the hollow of his throat and even pink in the tips of his fingers, the sharps of his knees, his whole body supine beneath akihiko in an unmistakably wanton fashion because ugetsu has never been one for shame about this of all things. when he slightly twists his body it seems almost unconscious, the coy turn of his head that makes his hair fall just so, the minute backward tilt of it that offers up his throat again. only the way his hands slide to akihiko's waist gives anything away, matches up with his demand for him to hurry.
but as much as akihiko just gives to him, ugetsu also likes the part of him that denies ugetsu, a thing no one has tried to do before. especially he likes it in bed and he's not sure what that says about himself at all - that he'd rather die than beg anyone for anything if it's an everyday affair, but if he's strung out and trembling in bed with akihiko, well, he wants to be even more so - relishes any time he pulls on his hair or yanks him by his chin or pushes down on his throat just to make him shut up. because only akihiko would dare. it's what makes them such a good match and it's what makes them terrible.
you would never.
wouldn't i?
would you, ugetsu thinks with unintentional wistfulness.
sometimes he hears the song on the old man's radio and sometimes he hears brahms and sometimes he just hears and feels akihiko's voice in his skin. it doesn't matter what he says. ugetsu's body soaks up all of akihiko's words like a starving animal. because he's greedy for anything he'll give him, and even if more people can see it easily with akihiko, it has never made it less true for ugetsu.
the words are water droplets on parched lips, ]
Need you.
[ how convenient, a sad smiling part of him inside thinks: that in bed one can say that and it will be taken just for that meaning and no other.
even if there always, always has been more than one. ]
/im in love with the scene all icons of this sort are from sob so i just /uses them forever haha >>
but friends? ugetsu doesn't want to be friends.
ugetsu wants akihiko to swallow him up and leave nothing left but the sound of their violin practice. ugetsu wants akihiko to leave him to decay because it's what he deserves. ugetsu wants akihiko to kiss him on the mouth the way the sun rises low like lover's hands across the ocean every day without fail over and over. ugetsu wants. he wants so much it hurts and it's unbearable and it makes him feel alive and wonder what it would be like if he wasn't. since he was a child he's been fascinated by the notion. the divide between life and death is so very small. perhaps that's one reason he's so enthralled with sato mafuyu, the boy who let summer help him live with his ghosts. but ugetsu knows that's different. ugetsu knows to feel responsible for a ghost and to become one oneself, well, those are incapacitatingly different things.
of the things ugetsu's body knows, there are only two he has hurt over and been hurt over and will yet hurt again: the violin and akihiko.
but even when it hurts, he loves it.
if akihiko loves him roughly, if he presses against ugetsu the way ugetsu has long been the thorn in the side of his heart, if he makes ugetsu gasp and moan his name the way only a soundproofed room can permit...if. it's enough. it's everything. ugetsu will hold onto it until akihiko truly walks away from him. maybe he'll have bloody hands at the end and maybe the blood will be his own and maybe that will be worth all of this too.
for the world, ugetsu plays perfect concertos.
for akihiko, ugetsu becomes the concerto and dares akihiko to stay skilled enough in love enough here enough to play him the right way. ]
Hurry. Aki...
[ as if they don't have all the time in the world.
well. that's true really.
they both know it even if they never say so.
theirs is a relationship that burns at both ends incandescent with a hundred feelings trying to speak over each other.
ugetsu loosens his legs to free akihiko , lets them fall open lightly against the bed leaving his not-boyfriend plenty of room. for one as lethargic as ugetsu can be, he's quite flexible; that would be the sex he has to thank for that, but no need to put too fine a point on it. his gaze is half-mast as he peers up at akihiko, long eyelashes dark and curling, irises improbably bright in the dark of the basement like some hidden truth. he's flushed, panting, the blush in his cheeks the same as in the hollow of his throat and even pink in the tips of his fingers, the sharps of his knees, his whole body supine beneath akihiko in an unmistakably wanton fashion because ugetsu has never been one for shame about this of all things. when he slightly twists his body it seems almost unconscious, the coy turn of his head that makes his hair fall just so, the minute backward tilt of it that offers up his throat again. only the way his hands slide to akihiko's waist gives anything away, matches up with his demand for him to hurry.
but as much as akihiko just gives to him, ugetsu also likes the part of him that denies ugetsu, a thing no one has tried to do before. especially he likes it in bed and he's not sure what that says about himself at all - that he'd rather die than beg anyone for anything if it's an everyday affair, but if he's strung out and trembling in bed with akihiko, well, he wants to be even more so - relishes any time he pulls on his hair or yanks him by his chin or pushes down on his throat just to make him shut up. because only akihiko would dare. it's what makes them such a good match and it's what makes them terrible.
you would never.
wouldn't i?
would you, ugetsu thinks with unintentional wistfulness.
sometimes he hears the song on the old man's radio and sometimes he hears brahms and sometimes he just hears and feels akihiko's voice in his skin. it doesn't matter what he says. ugetsu's body soaks up all of akihiko's words like a starving animal. because he's greedy for anything he'll give him, and even if more people can see it easily with akihiko, it has never made it less true for ugetsu.
the words are water droplets on parched lips, ]
Need you.
[ how convenient, a sad smiling part of him inside thinks: that in bed one can say that and it will be taken just for that meaning and no other.
even if there always, always has been more than one. ]